Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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