I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize