Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize