The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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