this boner is exhausting
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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