My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
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You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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