his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
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I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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