in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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