If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize