When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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