Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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