i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
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can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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