Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize