I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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