i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
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sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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