I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize