textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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