Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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