she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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