yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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