Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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