saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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