When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize