it hurts more in the daytime
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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