We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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