Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
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The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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