You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
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Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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