wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
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IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize