I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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