i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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