as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
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I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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