Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize