Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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