I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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