My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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