No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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