Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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