Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
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Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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