lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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