Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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