Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
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had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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