New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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