She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
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i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
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She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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