hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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