Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
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I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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