i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
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Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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