Someone shit on the floor
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
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