Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
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You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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