I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize