I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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