He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize